Life of an Emonster

8.2.2011

2011-08-02T07:06:00.000-05:00

As I sit here for a few quiet moments before I'm off to take this dreaded exam, I am reminded of just how incredibly blessed I am. I have an amazing, supportive husband who has put up with my stress of the last few months. I have friends who love me and are always willing to help me. I have family (as far away as they may be) who are healthy and praying for me. I have a little boy who loves me unconditionally and has a smile that makes all of my problems seem to melt away. No matter what happens today, I am grateful for all that the Lord has blessed me with -- He is good, and I am so humbled.

blink.

2011-05-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

that's how fast my life seems to be moving these days. i am a mother....of a one year old. a 14 month old, actually. he runs, makes faces on purpose, laughs, babbles, makes demands, gives sweet hugs and kisses, and basically just melts my heart.

this blog was supposed to be a way for me to stop and take note of what goes on around me. to chronicle little e's early days, so that he could look back one day and get a glimpse of the world from his momma's perspective. as it is with most things, i haven't been very successful in keeping this blog updated. but i have been enjoying every second that i spend with my boys - laughing with them, scolding them and cooking/baking for them (there are banana mini-chocolate chip muffins cooling as i type).

recently, there have been many moments when it hits me that life is happening whether or not i am taking notice. i look over and my boy's baby face is gone...he's become a toddler. residency is almost over...i'm one step closer to being a "grown up" or something. it's actually bittersweet knowing that i will never get this time back. here's to trying to savor the moments as they happen.

happy valentine's!

2011-02-14T14:52:00.000-06:00

whoops! how did another 5 months go by without a post? oh well. spring is starting to creep up on us (at least this week), and with that come new beginnings, right?

our little boy is 11 months old today. what a journey. he's laughing, crawling, barely walking and eating us out of house and home. and the hubs and i are learning that we still have so much to learn about loving each other and building our family. it's been hard at times, but oh so worth it. my love and respect for the man i married grows each and every day.

anyone who knows me is aware that i don't "do" holidays. but i do want to take the time to acknowledge my hubs (to all 3 of you that might read this). he's the love of my life, my better half, baby E's favorite person in the whole world, and the greatest gift on this earth that God has given me.

love you!

the two men in my life. :)

6 months.

2010-09-15T20:13:00.000-05:00

I have been fighting a cold - one that I'm fairly certain I got from my husband. Seems fitting somehow as I write this - a little over six months ago, I woke up one day feeling awful. My husband had been sick, and I had woken up with myalgias, fevers and other cold symptoms. I was also having regular contractions. Gosh, I remember wanting to pummel the hubs for giving me a cold on top of having to be in labor. It was a long day filled with anticipation, discomfort, growing excitement and fear. Yes, fear. Fear of the pain, fear from knowing a little too well about all the complications of labor and delivery, fear of the major change that was coming to our tidy little life...and an overall fear of failure. Failure to be a good (read: not obnoxious) patient (sounds silly, but other medical folks will know what I mean), failure to be a good resident, housekeeper, cook, friend, wife, daughter, sister and, of course, mother.

The next 36 hours went by...after waiting at home until 11 pm, followed by 14 hrs of laboring in the hospital and finally undergoing a c-section, our baby boy was born. A son! A real, live human being who was now an integral part of our lives. And here we are, 6 months later, in awe of every moment with baby E since that day...as the hubs and I watch our little man learn about the world around him, seeing the change in his eyes as he discovers something new, tasting solid food for the first time, figuring out how to use his body to maneuver himself across the room to get to his favorite toy, seeing the recognition in his face as his flashes a huge grin when he sees us, reaching out his hands to us. I've heard some people say that it is impossible not to acknowledge that there is a God when impressed with the awesomeness of some great beauty or feat of nature...and I feel the same way every time I look at this amazingly, precious gift that God has given to us. Looking at this tiny creature, I am daily humbled, grateful, terrified and honored all at once.

6 months. What an incredible journey it has been. And I can't wait to see what's next. :)

Fall.

2010-09-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Cooler temps, deep reddish-orange leaves, that crisp, clean scent in the air as I walk into the hospital in the morning -- it's unmistakable, fall is making its arrival. Sure, it still gets super warm during the day and the AC still kicks in most of the time, but my favorite season is upon us. I love wearing long sleeves with scarves, cute jackets, jeans and closed toed shoes -- without having to add the extra bulk. The earthy browns, reds, oranges and deep purples are my favorite colors (ask anyone who has seen my wedding pictures). Football, warm apple cider, mugs of hot chocolate...comfort foods like one-dish pastas, kalbi-jjim (korean braised short ribs), dahn hobahk jook (sweet butternut squash porridge)...that's what fall makes me think of. Before fall comes into full swing, we've been saying goodbye to summer with friendly bbq's (amazing chicken wings and bacon burgers), fresh cocktails (with lemonade and cucumbers!) and walks outside without bugs!!

This time last year, I remember being pregnant and entertaining my darling nieces. Looking back, I can't believe the changes that one year brought to our lives. Niece #1, S, went from kissing "jellybean" goodnight in my belly, being unsure that she would like him since he was going to be a boy, to admitting that he was "really cute and soft, even for a boy baby" when she finally came to see him. The hubs and I went from being us 2, to a family of 3. We've survived sleepless nights, our 3rd anniversary, moving, new jobs and falling in love with baby E.

E after his first haircut. It was rather traumatic for me, but it had to be done since his hair was always in his eyes!

All this change also reminds me, yet again, that I've been very lazy about updating this blog -- I will try to do better. My last post had E at 12 weeks and now he's just about 6 months old!! My little man continues to steal the show, as well as my heart, daily in our happy home.

New beginnings.

2010-06-06T06:54:00.002-05:00

Ever since our little Eli arrived, life in the world of emonster has been turned topsy-turvy. I can't believe that he's 12 weeks old today. I also can't believe that I had to buy him 6-12 month clothing yesterday cuz nothing else fits, but that's a different story. The last 3 months have been filled with tears, laughter, moments of despair/helplessness followed by incredible times of joy and happiness. I know it's cliche, but this lil guy has stolen our hearts and changed our lives forever.

But even with all of that, we still have to find a way back to "normalcy" -- as a friend of mine put it, it's all about finding a "new" normal. And so, the hubs and I are trying to do the things we used to do -- cook and eat at home, work out (some), and just find time to watch SYTYCD! To that end, I've started a realistic workout routine (mostly just walking sessions with Eli and maybe a couple of 30 minute sessions/week of some weights) and we just received our first CSA share of the season! We know we're behind the times a bit with this, but we're super excited to use all the fresh produce and support one of our favorite local farms at the same time.

This week, I'll be using spinach, green garlic (woohoo!), asparagus, carrots, various lettuces and radishes to make some yummy salads and sides. The hubs will be in charge of protein. And for dessert, we'll be polishing off some lemon-blueberry cheesecake bars from last week. Yummy? Yes. Good for my post-partum getting back into shape? Who cares?! :)

Jellybean.

2010-04-22T15:12:00.000-05:00

Long overdue, as usual, but here he is -- our little Jellybean. He was a whopping 8 lbs, 13.3 oz, a little over 20 in, born on 3.14.2010 at 3:35 pm. Since his arrival, it's been a life of sleepless nights, family visits, food cooked by loving friends and pure joy mixed in with exhaustion. I can't believe he's already almost 6 weeks old! Where has the time gone?!

38 2/7.

2010-03-08T12:24:00.000-06:00

I need to get this baking/nesting thing under control!

The house is immaculate (for the 4th time in the last week)....and the cleaners are coming today anyway! Every scrap of laundry in the house has been done. The sheets have been changed. The nursery has been set up (including the diaper genie, mobile, furniture, etc).

And the list of baked goods over the last few weeks:
Earl grey shortbread cookies
Sour cream chocolate bundt cake
Flaxseed banana bread w/chocolate chips
2nd batch of dark hazelnut chocolate, toffee, cranberry oatmeal cookies
Pumpkin cheesecake bars
Whole wheat banana muffins w/berries
Pumpkin chocolate chip scones with spiced maple glaze
Homemade granola

If Jellybean doesn't make it out, then another set of scones are in order -- like cream scones with dried cranberries or crystallized ginger, or lemon-blueberry scones, or....hrm, the possibilities are endless!

37 6/7.

2010-03-05T15:13:00.000-06:00

Another long lag-time between posts. Lots of happenings, but still no baby!

I'm home from work on "medical leave" due to high blood pressures. I'm fine, baby's fine....but I discovered, not surprisingly, that residency and pregnancy don't mix. It's only been a few days at home, and my blood pressure has improved, but my sanity is what I'm worried about now -- I'm bored out of my mind! I've cleaned, cooked, baked, set up the nursery, written thank you cards....and now I'm just stewing in my own juices. Sigh.

Jellybean -- it's getting warmer out now, don't you want to meet the rest of the world?!

See, I'm going nuts.

On a totally different note, did you ever notice how satisfying it is to drink out of a straw -- especially if it's colorful and flexible -- at home? I mean, at a restaurant it's not a big deal, but at home, it's so unexpected. For me, it brings me back to childhood days. Plus drinks with straws are usually a treat -- smoothies, fizzy colored concoctions, root beer floats or anything else with ice cream in them. Right now, I'm enjoying an orangina/sprite mix. It's so refreshing, fizzy and suits my mood - so full of anticipation, excitedly waiting for Jellybean and spring to get here!! Yum!

Sweet + tart = Deliciousness.

2010-01-28T16:18:00.000-06:00

I've had a good number of days off this month...and have spent most of them loafing, wanting to bake, but feeling too lazy to do anything but watch our new TV. :)

A few days ago, however, with the hubs home and it being so cold outside, I finally decided to fill the house with some warmth. Going off of a recipe that I found on one of my new fave easy food blogs, and using whatever I had at home, we ended up with cookies filled with dark hazelnut chocolate, bits of toffee, dried cranberries and oatmeal. After his first bite, the hubs claimed that these were the best cookies I had ever baked. I don't know that I can really take his word for it since he tends to say that whenever I make something new (he's a very good, smart man who never EVER complains when I make anything)....but I have to admit, they were pretty yummy.

I don't know if this is a preview of the "nesting" that will apparently be happening sometime soon....but I am planning either a sour cream chocolate cake...or a flaxseed banana bread...or perhaps some cupcakes soon. I think maybe JB has a sweet tooth in the making!

32.

2010-01-28T08:43:00.000-06:00

Again, it's been a long time...but apparently residency and Jellybean keep me busier than I thought. I can't even imagine how much harder it will be when he's actually here!

32 weeks. It's been eventful. Lots of kicking and squirming by the lil guy, concern for early contractions (pray that he stays in for a few more weeks!), overall exhaustion from working in the SICU being on call every 3rd night...but we've made it this far, so hopefully, we'll be able to make it for just a few more weeks (at least).

The anticipation is starting to kick in now -- friends left and right here have been hatching out their lil ones...and so the excitement and anxiety is really starting to weigh in these days. I don't really feel "momish" at all...I've never been very motherly in general, I suppose, but maybe it'll happen here soon.

On call in the SICU the other night, exhausted and overwhelmed, I crawled into my call room for just a few precious minutes of sleep. As I was trying to get comfortable, Jellybean started kicking like crazy -- as if reminding me that no matter how tired I get or how much other stuff is going on, he's going to be there....and I guess I'm going to be a mother (and wife) first, and everything else second...and you know, instead of being a scary and doom-filled reminder, it actually gave me some perspective - I just wish it had come at a slightly different time. Heh. I will admit, I didn't smile at the time. Instead, I started talk to my belly, begging JB to quiet down so I could sleep -- omen of what's to come, I think. :)

monsters.

2009-11-16T21:07:00.000-06:00

It's been a while...but hey, I'm preggers and tired, so give me a break! Heh.

It's been a nice fall here in IC. Had a few more guests after S came and left...the Kims and Chois in September...and then some high school friends just a couple of weekends ago. Sadly, that visit marked the end of the Hawkeyes' Cinderella season, but oh well, I don't really care that much.

One of the friends that came to visit is the same friend who gave me my nickname (see first post)...upon arrival, he hands me a present. Woohoo! I opened it...and looked at it very strangely. It was an odd-looking green stuffed doll with a miniature duplicate in its front pocket/pouch. As I stared and it and tried to be excited as I said thank you, my friend explains, "it's a monster carrying a mini-monster in its belly!" Needless to say, I love it.

I WILL post pictures. I just haven't had the patience to sit and upload them. And along with that promise is one for more updates....when I find the time and energy. *Sigh*

The Big Easy.

2009-10-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, New Orleans.

It's been a good trip. I got a chance to spend time with the hubs and my big bro. Took in some interesting (and some not-so-interesting) panels/lectures at the ASA, enjoyed the (unexpectedly chilly) New Orleans weather, did some shopping...and ate.....a lot.

My brother and I are planners. Big time. I suppose that's why we both went into anesthesiology. So when we decided to go to this conference together, we took the time to research the food/restaurants in New Orleans...and we made plenty of reservations. Here's a quick recap of what I ate:

Sat night:
late dinner at Cafe Adelaide - Crab & leek bisque, louisiana black drum, some kind of buttermilk-white chocolate bread pudding
Sunday:
Jazz brunch at Commander's Palace - garlic toast, duck and wild mushroom gumbo, eggs couchon de lait (like an eggs benedict over pork), creole bread pudding souffle
Afternoon Tea at the Windsor Court Hotel - this was the absolute highlight of the trip gastronomically for me - tea sandwiches, strawberry walnut scones served with raspberry preserves/lemon curd/clotted cream/vanilla whipped cream, chocolate truffles, dark chocolate dipped strawberries, pecan tarts, fruit tarts, and earl grey tea
Dinner at GW Fins - lobster dumplings, golden beet and arugula salad, chilean sea bass with enoki mushrooms & baby bok choy in hot/sour broth, warm apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream
Monday:
Breakfast buffet at Cafe Adelaide - pretty standard fare
Lunch at Subway - nice change of pace
Dinner at Cochon - fried alligator in chili aioli sauce, paneed pork cheeks, arugula salad with pumpkin calas, ham hock, cochon (that was in a broth with cabbage that made it taste like kimchee-chigae), pineapple upside down cake (cornmeal cake) with coconut-lime sorbet, root beer float (we shared all of that)
Tuesday:
Breakfast at conference
Lunch at August - absolutely amazing. Seriously. Warm bread, heirloom tomato and mozz salad over sweet pea pesto (the mozz was infused with the tomato -- it was unreal), potato gnocchi, louisiana sushi (which I didn't eat, but it looked amazing), jumbo gulf shrimp and okra stew over parmesan risotto, filet of beef with beets, soft shell crab tempura dish, dark chocolate pastry fritters (so yummy) served over plum/blackberry sauce, some sort of orange marmelade and apple butter, trio of sorbets (blood orange, plum and blueberry)
Snack - Beignets and cafe au lait from Cafe du Monde
Dinner - Chicken sandwiches and burgers at Gordon Biersch, which was a welcome change after tons of buttery, heavenly Creole-influenced food

Being pregnant for this trip has had its ups and downs. Ups include eating whatever I want and as much as I want and having an excuse for it. Downs include running to the bathroom every 10 minutes and watching wistfully as everyone else enjoys wonderfully, refreshing looking cocktails.

And now it's back to reality. Sigh.

Snow!

2009-10-10T10:34:00.000-05:00

The first snow has come upon Iowa City....in October...early October. *Sigh*

In other random tidbits, while I've been recuperating at home, I've been sustaining myself on tea, soups and soft, bland foods...though I must admit that my loving, attentive hubs did bring me lunch during the day as often as he could. After a few days of that, I did make some super yummy, melt-in-your-mouth espresso-chocolate-shortbread, adapted from a recipe I found on one of my favorite food blogs. I've been meaning to make this for a long time, and since I've been cooped up, craving some dark chocolate yumminess, I went for it. I'm not sure how safe it is to eat due to my illness -- or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse to eat them all up for myself!

We've also decided on a room for the nursery. As much as I love cutesiness and design, we're going to try and keep the room very simple and functional. No paint...no crazy wall decorations....minimal rearranging...and minimal spending. But I am starting to look at bedding, furniture, gliders and other baby goods. It's never-ending.

Hope everyone stays warm today!

Twins.

2009-10-08T16:50:00.002-05:00

No, not Minnesota. And no, we're not expecting two...unless one is totally hiding behind the other. Heh.

I've been home sick the past few days with the flu...or at least flu-like symptoms. I started working nights on Sunday, had a super rough case that I'm still not emotionally or mentally over yet, felt exhausted...and then lo and behold, after my next shift, I had a whopper of sore throat, congestion, headache, felt warm and had myalgias. After talking to the OB, and being totally freaked out (with the serious threat of swine flu among pregnant women, they're treating everyone with symptoms), I was started on Tamiflu and told not to go to work until I was "better" - whatever that means.

As a resident, it goes against the grain to just stay home from work. It seems decadent...or too indulgent...or lazy. And if one does have to stay home, even if it's for the sake of others (like patients), it's usually only for the shortest time possible -- like a day. The OB, however, pressed upon me that I need to stay home, not only for myself, my patients, other ppl I work with, but for Jelly Bean as well. And that I shouldn't go back to nights, since going back too early would just prolong the illness. Sigh. So I've been home for 2, and soon 3, shifts. While I know that in the real world, it's the sensible thing to do, guilt continues to consume me, since I know that other residents are having to pick up the slack. I feel like a bad person because I got sick. Blah.

Anyway, so I get a call from my niece, S (the 4 year old), who also happens to be sick. S loves to do what I do, like what I like, eat what I eat, etc. She likes to say that we're "twins" because of those similarities. So when she calls, she tells me excitedly that she and I are even the same in getting sick together. After the initial excitement, she asks if I'm ok, if JB's ok...and we compare notes in terms drinking lots of water and honey tea, eating soup, etc. Then come her final thoughts on the matter, paraphrased:

S: Komo, we're REALLY twins. But you know, there are some twins who actually live together, wear the same clothes, look the same and so they're really REALLY twins. Someday, can we live together so we can be close like real twins too?
Me: Yes, someday, I would love to live close to you so we could be together whenever we wanted.
S: Yes!! Then I can take care of Jelly Bean too. *silence* You have to come to my house! *more silence* I miss you, Komo.
Me: I miss you too, S. I love you!
S: I love you, too. *again, silence*
Me: Ok, go drink some more ggool mool (honey tea).
S: You too! Bye!

*Sigh* If this is what being an aunt is like, how will I ever survive being a mother?!

Jelly Bean.

2009-09-23T12:56:00.002-05:00

S, my adorable lil niece, called me the other day to tell me she missed me. I almost cried. Again. Sigh.

Now, these last two posts may lead you to believe that I'm a total kid-person. Let me admit something. Children and I do NOT get along. Never have. To all my friends with kids -- I'm sorry, but it's true. I may have tolerated your kids, even found them entertaining/funny, but we never got along. It's not that I don't really like kids, but I just don't get them. And, kids, being infinitely wise in their own ways, must always be able to sense that truth. Anyway, bottom line, I'm not a kid-person. At all.

But with S, it's just different. Maybe it's just blood. Maybe being there since the actual beginning -- I helped deliver her! -- just makes all the difference. But even if that were true, that would only make sense on my end. But with S, there's a mutual love and understanding. It's simple. We just adore and love each other unconditionally. And more than that, we get each other...and thus, we have fun together. S is 4...but speaks to me like an adult. She's calm, sweet, honest and articulate. Mostly, though, she just melts my non-kid-person heart.

The night before she left, we had a long goodnight talk. She explained that she would miss me when she left the next day...and we discussed being able to talk on the phone, mail things to each other and video chat online. She told me she knew that I loved her and she loved me too. And JB too.

Who's JB? JB is Jelly Bean. That's what the hubs and I call the lil parasite, er, I mean baby that's growing. Jelly Bean who lives in my Jelly Belly. Silly, I know, but for us it was better than always saying "baby" or "it" or whatever.

So as S was bidding me goodnight/goodbye, she hugs me for the millionth time, then, as I stand, she kisses my belly, says, "goodnight Jelly Bean" and looks up at me with those impossibly darling little slits she has for eyes...and I melt.

Perhaps I'm turning into a kid-person after all.

Milestone.

2009-09-19T09:54:00.002-05:00

First of all, I must preface this post with something. My bro and his family just left IC, after a really excellent, super-fun vacation, as S would say. And, I must admit, that as soon as I turned back into the house, I started bawling inconsolably (much like E, the 9 month old, did for a bulk of her trip here). I am still sniffling...and probably have the makings of a tomato face (as the hubs calls it)...as I write this post, so please excuse any unnecessary emotional rambling.

Now, back to milestones. I am, officially, into my 2nd trimester! Week 13! Woohoo! Now, most of you moms are probably chuckling at me as you read this, but man, to me, reaching this was a huge sigh of relief. It's like magic. The sea-bands have been put away for good, I can eat almost whatever I want again, and the Zofran is tucked away in the medicine cabinet instead of sitting on my nightstand. I still have some reflux, and I'm now having to get up pretty often to pee at night, and I do still have some gagging when I brush my teeth, but for the most part, I feel pretty darn good. Plus, there's just something about having made it past those first anxiety-filled 3 months. We're still cautious and nervous about things, but the hubs and I are just breathing a bit easier about everything now.

Of course, with this milestone comes another - "announcing" the growing lil one to the world. Some of you have already caught on, but I feel like I've been kinda cryptic too about the whole preggers thing. But, now with the belly starting to show, I figure it's pretty useless to hide it now. And, it would be sad for people to just think that I've gotten uncontrollably fat. :)

So there it is, world, our vow of silence and 3 months of puking seems to have finally come to an end. Woohoo! We are incredibly grateful, awed and blessed by this whole adventure that God is leading us on...and are thrilled to have you join along for the ride!

Loves.

2009-09-14T22:59:00.002-05:00

I, like many, have several loves of my life. There are the biggies - God, the hubs, my family (all of them, but particularly my lil niece Sydney who is running my life this week), FOOD, and the city. Any city, really, as long as it's big, has lots of places to eat, has big buildings and is actually considered cosmopolitan. With that in mind, please understand the hugeness of this fact: I'm on vacation this week and am staying here in Iowa City.

I must add something here. I don't mind living in IC. In fact, there are things that I think are great about being here. But, my heart really does belong to the big city (particularly NYC, Chicago and Seoul). So why, then, would I choose to spend one of my few, very precious weeks of vacation in the midst of cornfields?

Simple. The other loves of my life. My dearest brother and his family, including my two lovely nieces, are visiting from Tucson for the week - especially since I've been so tired and traveling might have been a big pain for me. So we're spending the week showing off all the wonder that is Iowa. And, surprisingly, it's been pretty exhausting. Apple-picking, ped-mall-ing, playing outside (which is apparently quite a big deal for folks who live in a place where the sun is too hot for the lil ones to be outside for long), teaching a 4 year old how to bike, heading to farmer's markets and eating local food....and you know, this has actually been one of my favorite vacations ever.

Call me crazy...and maybe it's the hormones...but sometimes, as Sydney likes to belt out, there no place like "home sweet home" -- even when it's in Iowa.

**pics to come**

Welcome!

2009-09-10T14:19:00.002-05:00

Ah, my first real foray into the world of blogging. Sure, there were some Xanga sites along the way, but as this time in my life marks some new beginnings, I figured this was a decent way to document them...and share them with the friends who I've been so bad at keeping in touch with.

So this blog will just be about...well, what it says it's about...the life of an emonster. Nothing less, nothing more. What is an emonster? I suppose one way of describing it is that an emonster is just a girl...one who is surviving an anesthesia residency, enjoying early married life to a fellow doctor-type, missing friends and family who are really much too far away, living in the cornfields of Iowa, and is currently constantly amazed at this life God has created in me.

Emonster is name that stuck after a chance moment in high school...when a very dear, awesome friend was trying to get my attention during a calculus class or something equally as stimulating.
"Esther!"
(no response -- I was obviously paying attention to the lecture since I was such a good student)
"Cookie monster!" -- I had a thing for cookie monster back in the day.
(still nothing)
"Monster!!"
(la di da)
"E-MONSTER!!" - now that got my attention. And has stuck ever since.

So, in honor of that dear friend, of the new little creature along the way...and of my new mac book pro (heh). I present the life of an emonster.