6 months.

I have been fighting a cold - one that I'm fairly certain I got from my husband. Seems fitting somehow as I write this - a little over six months ago, I woke up one day feeling awful. My husband had been sick, and I had woken up with myalgias, fevers and other cold symptoms. I was also having regular contractions. Gosh, I remember wanting to pummel the hubs for giving me a cold on top of having to be in labor. It was a long day filled with anticipation, discomfort, growing excitement and fear. Yes, fear. Fear of the pain, fear from knowing a little too well about all the complications of labor and delivery, fear of the major change that was coming to our tidy little life...and an overall fear of failure. Failure to be a good (read: not obnoxious) patient (sounds silly, but other medical folks will know what I mean), failure to be a good resident, housekeeper, cook, friend, wife, daughter, sister and, of course, mother.

The next 36 hours went by...after waiting at home until 11 pm, followed by 14 hrs of laboring in the hospital and finally undergoing a c-section, our baby boy was born. A son! A real, live human being who was now an integral part of our lives. And here we are, 6 months later, in awe of every moment with baby E since that day...as the hubs and I watch our little man learn about the world around him, seeing the change in his eyes as he discovers something new, tasting solid food for the first time, figuring out how to use his body to maneuver himself across the room to get to his favorite toy, seeing the recognition in his face as his flashes a huge grin when he sees us, reaching out his hands to us. I've heard some people say that it is impossible not to acknowledge that there is a God when impressed with the awesomeness of some great beauty or feat of nature...and I feel the same way every time I look at this amazingly, precious gift that God has given to us. Looking at this tiny creature, I am daily humbled, grateful, terrified and honored all at once.

6 months. What an incredible journey it has been. And I can't wait to see what's next. :)

Fall.

Cooler temps, deep reddish-orange leaves, that crisp, clean scent in the air as I walk into the hospital in the morning -- it's unmistakable, fall is making its arrival. Sure, it still gets super warm during the day and the AC still kicks in most of the time, but my favorite season is upon us. I love wearing long sleeves with scarves, cute jackets, jeans and closed toed shoes -- without having to add the extra bulk. The earthy browns, reds, oranges and deep purples are my favorite colors (ask anyone who has seen my wedding pictures). Football, warm apple cider, mugs of hot chocolate...comfort foods like one-dish pastas, kalbi-jjim (korean braised short ribs), dahn hobahk jook (sweet butternut squash porridge)...that's what fall makes me think of. Before fall comes into full swing, we've been saying goodbye to summer with friendly bbq's (amazing chicken wings and bacon burgers), fresh cocktails (with lemonade and cucumbers!) and walks outside without bugs!!

This time last year, I remember being pregnant and entertaining my darling nieces. Looking back, I can't believe the changes that one year brought to our lives. Niece #1, S, went from kissing "jellybean" goodnight in my belly, being unsure that she would like him since he was going to be a boy, to admitting that he was "really cute and soft, even for a boy baby" when she finally came to see him. The hubs and I went from being us 2, to a family of 3. We've survived sleepless nights, our 3rd anniversary, moving, new jobs and falling in love with baby E.

E after his first haircut. It was rather traumatic for me, but it had to be done since his hair was always in his eyes!

All this change also reminds me, yet again, that I've been very lazy about updating this blog -- I will try to do better. My last post had E at 12 weeks and now he's just about 6 months old!! My little man continues to steal the show, as well as my heart, daily in our happy home.

New beginnings.

Ever since our little Eli arrived, life in the world of emonster has been turned topsy-turvy. I can't believe that he's 12 weeks old today. I also can't believe that I had to buy him 6-12 month clothing yesterday cuz nothing else fits, but that's a different story. The last 3 months have been filled with tears, laughter, moments of despair/helplessness followed by incredible times of joy and happiness. I know it's cliche, but this lil guy has stolen our hearts and changed our lives forever.

But even with all of that, we still have to find a way back to "normalcy" -- as a friend of mine put it, it's all about finding a "new" normal. And so, the hubs and I are trying to do the things we used to do -- cook and eat at home, work out (some), and just find time to watch SYTYCD! To that end, I've started a realistic workout routine (mostly just walking sessions with Eli and maybe a couple of 30 minute sessions/week of some weights) and we just received our first CSA share of the season! We know we're behind the times a bit with this, but we're super excited to use all the fresh produce and support one of our favorite local farms at the same time.

This week, I'll be using spinach, green garlic (woohoo!), asparagus, carrots, various lettuces and radishes to make some yummy salads and sides. The hubs will be in charge of protein. And for dessert, we'll be polishing off some lemon-blueberry cheesecake bars from last week. Yummy? Yes. Good for my post-partum getting back into shape? Who cares?! :)

Jellybean.

Long overdue, as usual, but here he is -- our little Jellybean. He was a whopping 8 lbs, 13.3 oz, a little over 20 in, born on 3.14.2010 at 3:35 pm. Since his arrival, it's been a life of sleepless nights, family visits, food cooked by loving friends and pure joy mixed in with exhaustion. I can't believe he's already almost 6 weeks old! Where has the time gone?!

38 2/7.

I need to get this baking/nesting thing under control!

The house is immaculate (for the 4th time in the last week)....and the cleaners are coming today anyway! Every scrap of laundry in the house has been done. The sheets have been changed. The nursery has been set up (including the diaper genie, mobile, furniture, etc).

And the list of baked goods over the last few weeks:
Earl grey shortbread cookies
Sour cream chocolate bundt cake
Flaxseed banana bread w/chocolate chips
2nd batch of dark hazelnut chocolate, toffee, cranberry oatmeal cookies
Pumpkin cheesecake bars
Whole wheat banana muffins w/berries
Pumpkin chocolate chip scones with spiced maple glaze
Homemade granola

If Jellybean doesn't make it out, then another set of scones are in order -- like cream scones with dried cranberries or crystallized ginger, or lemon-blueberry scones, or....hrm, the possibilities are endless!

37 6/7.

Another long lag-time between posts. Lots of happenings, but still no baby!

I'm home from work on "medical leave" due to high blood pressures. I'm fine, baby's fine....but I discovered, not surprisingly, that residency and pregnancy don't mix. It's only been a few days at home, and my blood pressure has improved, but my sanity is what I'm worried about now -- I'm bored out of my mind! I've cleaned, cooked, baked, set up the nursery, written thank you cards....and now I'm just stewing in my own juices. Sigh.

Jellybean -- it's getting warmer out now, don't you want to meet the rest of the world?!

See, I'm going nuts.

On a totally different note, did you ever notice how satisfying it is to drink out of a straw -- especially if it's colorful and flexible --  at home? I mean, at a restaurant it's not a big deal, but at home, it's so unexpected. For me, it brings me back to childhood days. Plus drinks with straws are usually a treat -- smoothies, fizzy colored concoctions, root beer floats or anything else with ice cream in them. Right now, I'm enjoying an orangina/sprite mix. It's so refreshing, fizzy and suits my mood - so full of anticipation, excitedly waiting for Jellybean and spring to get here!! Yum!

Sweet + tart = Deliciousness.

I've had a good number of days off this month...and have spent most of them loafing, wanting to bake, but feeling too lazy to do anything but watch our new TV. :)

A few days ago, however, with the hubs home and it being so cold outside, I finally decided to fill the house with some warmth. Going off of a recipe that I found on one of my new fave easy food blogs, and using whatever I had at home, we ended up with cookies filled with dark hazelnut chocolate, bits of toffee, dried cranberries and oatmeal. After his first bite, the hubs claimed that these were the best cookies I had ever baked. I don't know that I can really take his word for it since he tends to say that whenever I make something new (he's a very good, smart man who never EVER complains when I make anything)....but I have to admit, they were pretty yummy.

I don't know if this is a preview of the "nesting" that will apparently be happening sometime soon....but I am planning either a sour cream chocolate cake...or a flaxseed banana bread...or perhaps some cupcakes soon. I think maybe JB has a sweet tooth in the making!

32.

Again, it's been a long time...but apparently residency and Jellybean keep me busier than I thought. I can't even imagine how much harder it will be when he's actually here!

32 weeks. It's been eventful. Lots of kicking and squirming by the lil guy, concern for early contractions (pray that he stays in for a few more weeks!), overall exhaustion from working in the SICU being on call every 3rd night...but we've made it this far, so hopefully, we'll be able to make it for just a few more weeks (at least).

The anticipation is starting to kick in now -- friends left and right here have been hatching out their lil ones...and so the excitement and anxiety is really starting to weigh in these days. I don't really feel "momish" at all...I've never been very motherly in general, I suppose, but maybe it'll happen here soon.

On call in the SICU the other night, exhausted and overwhelmed, I crawled into my call room for just a few precious minutes of sleep. As I was trying to get comfortable, Jellybean started kicking like crazy -- as if reminding me that no matter how tired I get or how much other stuff is going on, he's going to be there....and I guess I'm going to be a mother (and wife) first, and everything else second...and you know, instead of being a scary and doom-filled reminder, it actually gave me some perspective - I just wish it had come at a slightly different time. Heh. I will admit, I didn't smile at the time. Instead, I started talk to my belly, begging JB to quiet down so I could sleep -- omen of what's to come, I think. :)